


Terezi: Go outside and bother your adorably disgusting human

by KanamiAde



Series: Earth C is supposed to be a Happy Ending [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Canon Compliant, Comfort/Angst, Depressed John Egbert, Earth C (Homestuck), F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Homestuck Big Bang 2019, One Shot, Post-Canon, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, epilogue complaint...?, john egbert misses his dad, mentioned pale vrisrezi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 04:25:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19433884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KanamiAde/pseuds/KanamiAde
Summary: Terezi tries to help John the only way she knows how: by antagonising and pestering the shit out of him.





	Terezi: Go outside and bother your adorably disgusting human

Terezi took a deep breath as she stepped out of her hive. She grinned as the vibrant colours blended together to form a pleasant aroma. She never had a chance to appreciate being in the sun before, with Alternian sun being pretty much deadly, but now she could, and it was wonderful. No wonder humans liked being in the sun so much.

As she strolled towards the stemcluster, she pondered on where she should head to first. Maybe that new candy store that had opened recently? Or the bookstore? She did need more light reading material on the legislation of Earth C -- 3 books definitely weren’t enough. Or perhaps that laser tag place she heard Jade talk about? It would be good to get a rough feel -- specifically, smell -- of the arena before the game next week. Or-

Terezi caught a whiff of the all-too-familiar scent of blue raspberries and too many pastries, and turned towards the source of the smell. There, she recognised a certain nerd sitting, his back facing a tree, at the park on her right. That’s unusual; Usually Egbert’s never out of his house.

She supposed exploring could wait a little. With light footsteps, she approached her target from the back. She had speculated that she would have been caught trying to sneak up on him and that she would have needed to resort to plan B, but today he had finally let down his guard. Rookie mistake.

As she approached, however, it dawned on her that his scent was...different. The scent still reeked of his obnoxious dorkiness and cheer, but it seemed watered down.

Huh.

Shaking the thought off, she bent down and gently blew into his auricular sponge clots.

John let out a yelp, jumping up before turning his head and shooting daggers at the troll while covering his left ear, causing her to cackle wildly. “Terezi what the fuck?!” he exclaimed.

”Hey John, “she smirked at the boy. “What brings you to the humble lands of Troll Kingdom? Missed me?“

He faked a gag. “You wished. I was just chilling here, until you fucking blew in my ear. Thanks, by the way. “

”You’re welcome. “

”What about you?” he asked, cocking his head to one side.

She raised an eyebrow, amused. “I live here. “

“Oh. I mean, I _know_ that, “he said, shifting his gaze elsewhere. “I’m not an idiot. “

”I don’t know, John, “she taunted. “You could have fooled me otherwise, honestly. “

”Shut up” was what she was expecting. Instead, she received a half-hearted, resigned-sounding “Urgh“. Terezi’s smirk almost faltered. That was pretty unlike him -- John she knew was a stubborn shithead to the core, especially when it came to proving her that he wasn’t going to give up to just a few of her “annoying tricks”, and would not give in that easily. Maybe she was overthinking it, but something felt amiss.

“Well, I guess I shouldn’t hold you back from whatever you were going to do, “he had the audacity to say, as if he had never, _ever_ deterred her from her plans. Then, he scowled. “Unless you're out of your hive just to fuck with me, then screw you. “

”Stop over-flattering yourself. Not everything I do concerns the likes of you, “she sneered, crossing her arms. But the thought of John acting uncharacteristically left her feeling unsettled.

Everyone had their bad days -- she certainly had her fair share of them -- and she always wondered about John’s. Mr Happy-Go-Lucky, Friend-Leader John having a bad day? That would be quite the scene. She would never push him too far just to see him have one, albeit a little tempting, but she would be lying if she wasn’t curious of what John would be like once his infuriating optimism wore off.

Now that he was right in front of her, she hated it; She hated how even on a bad day, he’s still trying (and failing) to come off as his usual, irritating self. She hated how his scent was practically begging her to leave him alone, yet the same boy looked as carefree as he could be. She hated how something she had thought would bring her glee made her feel worse instead. Most of all, she hated how it reminded her of how she had pretended to be all but cheerful while feeling absolutely miserable in John’s timeline, and how she fooled everyone, sometimes even herself, that she had the perfect life on this new universe.

Of course John had to be the one to remind her of everything she hated about herself without even trying. This behaviour was intolerable, as per stated in a law that she had definitely decreed, and she was not going to let him get away with it. She was not going to let him mope away in a park that was two Kingdoms away from his home.

”Say, ”she felt herself say. “You don't have any plans today, do you? “

”Uh, yeah. Why? “he asked, puzzled.

Her smile widened. “Good. “

Before he could respond, Terezi grabbed his hand, pulling him up and dragging him towards town. ”H-hey!” he spluttered, stumbling a little before catching his balance. “Where are we even going? “

”Jegus, you couldn't be anymore impatient, “she exasperated in a mocking tone. “You'll see when you get there. “

He narrowed his eyes at the ground, mumbling a few insults directed to her, before reluctantly complying, hurrying his steps to walk beside her.

* * *

“Land of Sweets and Candies” smelled as great as Terezi thought it would, from the sweet chocolate to the sour lemons to the savoury salted caramel to the mix of bubblegum and cinnamon walls to the licorice and mint floor. She liked this place already. While John commented about how the store was the sort of thing that she’d be “creepily obsessed with”, she already headed to an aisle of jelly beans, promptly ignoring him. He rolled his eyes and followed, grabbing a basket along the way.

She made a point to put several candies into the basket only to order him to return some of them back to the aisle at random times, only to change her mind and ask him to retrieve some of them back into the basket. He complied for the first few times, albeit while mumbling incessant insults. After a while, however, he started getting other ideas.

”John, “she said in disbelief when John got the wrong candy yet again. “Are you doing this on purpose? ”

”Well, you can’t expect me to find the right brand if you just tell me to get “the blue packet with yellow stripes”, ”he said, making air quotes. “There’s like several candies here that fit that description! “

”This is a candy cane. “

”Not the point, “he countered stubbornly.

She facepalmed. ”It’s literally the same candy that you just returned a few minutes ago. ”

”I don't know Terezi, I can't seem to remember which candy you're referring to. Guess I really am an idiot after all, “he shrugged, seemingly helpless. “Maybe you should show me which one you meant? “

“There there's no point in asking you to get them! “

”True,” he mused. “It'd be easier to just get them yourself. “

”Grrrr, “she growled, gritting her teeth as he cocked an eyebrow at her. What a jerk.

”You heard me, “the douche said smugly.

”Urgh, fine! “she pouted as she went to get the candy herself, letting him bask in his satisfaction. He might have won this time, but she'd get him back. For sure.

After paying for the items, Terezi took out a packet of red spherical candies and opened it, sniffing it's contents while exiting the store. “Ooh, this smells delicious! “ she said gleefully, licking her lips. “Too bad none of these are for the Windy McLoser who is being quite the nuisance toda- “

Snatching the packet from her, John popped a handful of candies into his mouth. That bastard.

”Hey! “she exclaimed, attempting to snatch the packet back. “Get your own candy! ”

”Sorry Terezi, could you speak up? “he asked, bringing the packet higher, making it harder for her to grab it back. “I can’t hear you through my filter of blasphemy. “

”Just give it back! “

”No!”

In the midst of their physical brawl, she slapped his arm, causing him to momentarily release his grip on the packet. The red candies drop to the floor like beads falling off a thread, scattering all across the floor. The two of them halted the fight and stared at the mess.

Terezi glared at the boy who had a sheepish expression on his face. ”Look what’ve you done. “

”Sorry, “he mumbled, feeling guilty. “I’ll go buy another one. ”

Hearing his apology, she instantly put on into a grin, walking forward as she said, ”It’s fine, I have 5 more packets, remember? I was only angry because I knew you would feel bad. “

Frustration immediately replaced his guilt, and he ranted about how annoying she was, and that he retracted his apology etc. She blocked out most of it. Urgh, he could really talk. Why did everyone she had a relationship with talk so much? On the bright side, it seemed like John’s mood had significantly improved. If by improved one meant being whinier and more aggravating, but also livelier.

* * *

”Terezi would you hurry up? We both know you’re just going to buy both of them in the end, “John huffed for the fifth time, tapping his foot impatiently.

”Like I said, “she began as she flipped through one of the books yet again, “I happen to have a strict budget, hence I need to carefully consider this purchase. “

”And like _I_ said, “he argued, “you are loaded! Hell, you have more than enough money to buy the whole store! ”

”And you are suggesting that I squander my money away without a second thought, “she shot, clicking her tongue. “Disappointing. I didn’t take you for an overspender. “

”I didn’t take your FACE for an overspender, “he muttered.

”Good comeback, but the jury declares your statement to be incredibly stupid and thus invalid, “she stated as she closed the book shut. “I’m done. “

”Finally, “he grumbled as the two of them headed towards the cashier. Upon adding a bakery cookbook to two books on the counter, he insisted to pay for all the books. When she teased him for being so disgustingly nice, he lightly flicked her forehead.

She responded by flicking his forehead back.

”Ack! “He let a sharp cry, rubbing his forehead as the two of them exited the bookstore. “God that hurts like shit. “

”Sorry, “she said, smiling innocently.

”Like hell you are, “he muttered, glaring at her.

”Rude. “ She then walked into a dark, narrow alley just between two shops. The human opened his mouth, seemingly wanting to ask a question, before merely muttering about how she’d just be vague about their destination, walking into the alley behind her.

“I didn't know you started a baking hobby, “remarked Terezi.

He laughed. ”Pssh, nah, baking’s boring. The book is for Crocker. His birthday’s coming soon, and he mentioned wanting to learn how to bake, so, “he replied. As their surroundings darkened quite a fair bit( for John), he frowned and made a disgusted grunt. “Urgh, this place gives me the creeps. “

”Wimp. “

”Turd. “

”Wiggler. “

”Fucker. “

”Not yet, “she pointed out, smirking when John fumbled over his words in a fluster. “His birthday is next week, right? Wouldn't want to miss the picnic for the whole world. “

”Uh, yeah. You know that you don't _actually_ have to go, right? “he asked. “I could call it off if you want me to. He’ll understand if you don't want to turn up. “

”Maybe I want to go. Unless you have a reason for why I shouldn't, hmm? “she challenged. Part of the reason why she wanted to go was because the thought of her coming to celebrate his custodian/Human-Son’s birthday annoyed the shit out of John for some reason.

”I'm not saying that you shouldn't go, “he said, sounding a little defensive. She thought he almost looked taken aback at the question. “I'm just saying, you don't need to force yourself if you don't want to. It's great that you're coming though. He’d be happy to hear that. “

Bold of him to say that, considering between the two of you he’s the one dreading the picnic. Or spending any time with his custodian, really.

She stopped, having exited the alley. “We’re here. “

Ahead of them stood a grass slope with a tree planted at the top of the slope. Upon reaching the top, Terezi climbed up said tree and kindly extended her hand towards John to help him up. He nearly reached for it, before frowning. “I’m not falling for that, “he retorted, flying up instead.

”My mistake, “she said unapologetically. “I forgot that you could fly. “

”Ass, “he muttered. How rude.

Once the two of them reach the top of the tree, they admired the the sights of Troll Kingdom from above and the warm shades of orange, magenta and yellow from the sky. Terezi found this spot one day while exploring the stemcluster, and declared it Her Spot whenever she needed space. Sharing the spot with John wasn’t exactly Black-rom typical, but she felt like he’d need it more than the spot under a tree in a park full of people.

She smirked as she spotted the boy floating beside her, crossed-legged, in awe. “Admiring the view? Told you the sunsets here are prettier than those in Human Kingdom. “

He instantly put on a neutral face, crossing his arms. “I’ve seen better, “he weakly retaliated.

She cackled. He sounded like a new-born barkbeast, and it was disgustingly adorable. After a while of silence between them, she asked, ”So Egbert, is there a reason why you want to call the picnic off? “

”Uh I don’t?, “He stared at Terezi. ” I was only worried that you would be uncomfortable with coming, that’s all. “

”John, you reek of lies and apprehension. “

”No I don't, “he denied, notably tensing. “That doesn't make any sense. “

She gave the boy one long look of disgust that absolutely screamed “press X to doubt”. After more than a few seconds or so, he huffed a little and looked down at his legs, mumbling, “It’s kind of stupid. “

”Really hate to break it to you, “she began, “but everything you do is kind of stupid. Now out with it. “

”Well...” he started, before closing his mouth, then opening it again, only to close again, fiddling with his fingers. “Um…”

“Oh my god Egbert just say it already!!” she shouted at him. God.

”Ok, ok! Jeez! ”he shouted back, letting out a deep sigh before continuing. “....It's just that he's going to treat me like a son who brought his girlfriend to meet the family or something. I know he's technically my dad, but he isn't _my dad_ , so it’s gonna be reeeeeally awkward. Not to mention that I haven’t been spending much time with him lately, which makes my situation way worse. You see the problem here? “

”I can’t see, “She stated nonchalantly.

He rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. “

She paused, swinging her legs that were dangling off the tree. “Pardon my ignorance to human culture, but why would it awkward? “she asked. “He doesn't seem to mind acting as your lusus figure. “

John frowned for a bit, biting his lip. “That’s kind of the issue here. I don't get why he tries so hard to be like my dad. I mean, he even bought baking utensils so that he could learn baking, which is something my dad used to do! “

”I don’t know John, sounds like a coincidence to me. ”

He paused, before saying, “Okay, maybe that’s a stretch, him literally being the same person as my dad and all. But the other day, he said he was proud of me, which is like super messed up because my dad used to say that to me too. I don’t know what he expects me to do, to suddenly see him as my dad? That’s stupid and weird. It's kinda annoying actually. “

It was no surprise to anyone that John severely missed his custodian, and Terezi was no exception -- He had been reeking of loneliness and longing for his custodian for quite a while. From what she knew, some of his friends tried to help, but he always dismissed their worries and shrugged it off, switching the subject as if it was no big deal. And when he did bring up anything remotely related to his custodian, it was always in such a matter-of-fact manner that made it hard for anyone to identify if he truly felt that way, or if he was concealing his deeper issues. Even right now, as he opened up about some issues he was facing with his custodian/Human-Son, he was still speaking with that casual tone he always had, as if attempting to keep the conversation light. That bugged the hell out of her.

It seemed like she would have to be the one to knock some sense into him.

”I’m going to be honest with you, “Terezi started. “It sounds like you’re being a wimp. “

“Fuck you! I told you it was stupid. “he spat, eyes narrowing.

”If you know that it’s stupid, “she began, flicking him on the forehead and causing him to exclaim in pain, “then maybe you should suck it up and actually spend time with him for once, instead of trying to find loopholes to avoid it. “

”...I _know_ that, “he mumbled with the tone of a wiggler.

”I don’t see you doing anything to show it though. “

”It’s not that easy, Terezi! He’s _literally_ my dad! “

”And what’s avoiding him going to do? Fix all your problems? "

John’s mouth molded into a scowl, visibly enraged, but only strained noises escaped from his mouth. She gave him a hard look, as if daring him to deny it. The others may had tried to talk him out of avoiding his dad’s company for so long, but none were successful. If you asked her, they were far too soft and delicate. What he needed was a push from someone who wouldn’t tiptoe around the subject. Someone who couldn’t care less about sugar-coating the issue. Someone who wouldn’t hesitating to slap him to make him come to a realisation.

Eventually, he closed his mouth and glared at his legs, sulking. At that point of time, he wasn’t the obnoxious nerd who made terrible comebacks and stole her candy, or the Heir of Breath who saved his friends with the Retcon, or one of the Rulers of Human Kingdom; He was John Egbert, just John Egbert. Just a boy who missed his custodian. It was the most pitiable form she had seen him in.

”If it comforts you, though, "she began to admit, albeit a bit quieter. "I haven't really been doing much to move on from Vriska either. "

He looked at her, with that annoyingly-compassionate pity in his eyes. "Terezi…"

“That's why I might leaving Earth C for a bit to search for her. “

His face immediately changes to one of shock, blinking. “You’re leaving? “

”I’m considering it, “she replied. It was something she had wanted to do for a while, though she wasn’t sure if she should, considering the search would be life-threatening. (Not to mention that she might not even find Vriska at all, and that there was no confirmation that her moirail was alive. ) "Do you think I should?"

He pondered on it, before commenting, “It sounds pretty dangerous. “

”Yeah. “

“Do you want to do it though?”

”Yep. “

“Then you’re going to do it no matter what I say, aren’t you, “he said with an unamused tone.

“Rude. Can't a troll seek for a second opinion? “she scoffed, making a face at him. He made a face back, before softening his expression, almost contemplative-like.

“Well…”he began. “if anyone could do it, it would be you I guess. “

"Wow John, that was disgustingly adorable for you to say, "she teased.

He rolled his eyes. "Shut up. "

The two of them sat in silence and watched the sunset once more, before Terezi said, "How about we make a deal. I'll go search for Vriska, while you spend more time with your dad. And if you don't, I'll make sure to kick your ass so hard that the whole world is aware of what a big weenie you are. "

"Do I even have a say in this deal?"

"Nope! " she said cheerfully. Any room for leniency, and he would just fall back on his old pattern of avoidance and withdrawal.

”URGH. “He sighed, looking frustrated. But if you asked her, she knew he knew she was right.

"Fine, you weirdo, “ he said, somehow sounding willing. Exasperated, unsure, but willing. “I’ll give a shot if I have to, _I guess_. “

"That's the spirit, " she responded with a grin, jabbing his stomach with her elbow. He jabbed at hers harder.

* * *

”When do you plan to leave? ”John asked as they approached her hive later that night.

She thought over the question before shrugging. “Probably within the perigee. “

“That soon? “he asked. “You do realise Karkat’s gonna flip his shit, right? ”

”I figured he’d flip his shit at the mere implication of me leaving Earth C, honestly. “

”Hehe, that’s true, “he chuckled. Stopping in front of her hive, the two of them exchanged their goodbyes. As she turned to face the door, she heard him call out to her.

”Terezi, wait. “

She turned back to him. ”Yes? “

He scratched his neck. ”Thanks for just now. And erm, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you I guess, “he offered, before widening his eyes. “Uh, not in a pale way!! Just like totally platonic support from one friendly chum to another, you know? “

”I get it, “she reassured, grinning. “Though rest assured, if you ever so much as pale-flirt with me, I’ll slit your throat. “

”As if I’ll ever pale-flirt with you. Gross, “ he sneered, grinning back. The smug grin wasn't anything unusual, but at that very moment, it made her feel disgustingly soft and mushy inside, and she felt her blood-pusher skip a beat. Before she knew it, her hand reached out to the side of his face, fingers brushing against his cheek, and she pinched his cheek. Hard.

”OW!! ”He yelled, smacking her hand away. He glowered at her, his grin long gone from his face. Hers, on the contrary, grew wide. “What is wrong with you?!”

Much better.

**Author's Note:**

> The lovely art is done by Rye! Their blog: https://tsirann.tumblr.com/


End file.
